In my daily counseling work with both individuals and couples, I frequently see how insecurities and emotional baggage have a negative effect on intimacy in relationships.
Let’s be honest, we all feel insecure in our intimate relationships at times. Even the happiest couples will occasionally worry about what each partner is doing and why. When our fears dominate our thinking process, though, it can introduces stress and becomes an intimacy killer. This is the point where misunderstandings and heated arguments happen. This can be vicious cycle because once you feel misunderstood, or are anticipating an argument, you act in a way that makes your partner withdraw affection. As a result, you feel hurt and rejected. Your insecurities become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How to stop emotional insecurities from interfering with intimacy
- Remember that it’s not all about you. There could be other factors causing your partner to behave or react in a certain way.
- Don’t get worked up over conflicts and problems in your relationship. Take a step back and calm yourself. Ask “what am I really afraid of? or “what is the worst that can happen?” After you are clear about your own thoughts, you can communicate them to your partner. You should never try to communicate with your partner when feeling overwhelmed with fear.
- Think in “shades of gray” instead of in absolute “black and white” terms. This will give you a more objective view of the situation.
- Try to express your needs and concerns in a calm assertive manner with your partner. You don’t have to raise your voice to be heard. Don’t give your partner the silent treatment either.
- Stop “jumping to conclusions”. If you suspect there is a problem, always look for evidence before reacting emotionally. You may just find you’re being paranoid over nothing.
- Work on being independent of your partner. You can never have all your needs met by someone else. A relationship can only enhance your life. It can’t “be” your life. Don’t put all of your eggs into one basket.
- Be gentle with yourself and value all your unique qualities. It may be a cliche, but it’s true: you must love yourself before anyone can love and respect you. The degree of trust you can have in your partner is directly related to the trust you have in yourself.
Couples therapy can help you understand the sources of your insecurities and give you the tools to overcome them. You’ll learn how your thinking actually creates irrational fears, and skills specially designed to change your fear based thinking patterns.
To learn more about improving intimacy in your relationship and to find out about couples counseling to Cape Coral – Fort Myers, call today or fill out the contact form and click send.Please share this post!